So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
