she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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