Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
