this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
