If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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