So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
