i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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