I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
