I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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