look no pants
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
