Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
In America we eat man semen.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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