Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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