the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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