I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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