I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
