like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We need to get me chipped asap
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
