I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
