i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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