All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
