We're like a lot better than the average bears
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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