It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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