So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She even gives head with a lisp.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
