dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
