I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
