At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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