I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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