Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
