as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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