god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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