he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
