My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
