he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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