oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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