im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
love makes seman taste better
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
