i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize