Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
