In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
