dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
