U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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