i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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