just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she looked like the before picture.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
