You're my little dorito
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
