Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
