i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
