@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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