Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
