Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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