You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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