I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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