All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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