I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
