Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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