My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize