hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
