I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
