You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
