When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
