I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i now understand why vodka
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
