He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
