Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
