I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
