My liver just broke up with me...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
