i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
