I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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