i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
