I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
