I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
