It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am available for nakedness
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
